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Dating nowadays. NIKIA's blog.

Most of our free time we spend in the Internet. Online dating is becoming more and more popular. People hoping to find a partner, a lover, a friend . We leave hometowns, and perhaps the country to meet new friend. We place our profiles in FB and Instagram, etc, colorfully tell about us, trying to present us in the most favorable light. I think it's not bad. We want to look more successful, earn more "followers" and "likes". Relationship occur between people of common interest + who want to find love. Also on dating sites people can show their true colors openly and anonimously, and find partners who accept and respect someone else's personal inner world.  

About a year I was a member of one of these sites. My goal was a pleasant chat. I understand that anonymity helps men to fully feel liberated, without fear of ridicule and condemnation. Honestly, I did not respond to men with strange and too explicit messages. ;) My goal was to communicate, and perhaps love!

Of course I do not blame men for "dirty mind" to explore. It's free territory for anythng to talk about.
Everyone is looking for her, and I was looking for, too.
Blind dates? It was only three in my real life. It was more friendly than romantic. Excellent meet at the caffees and ate and talk.   In short: I was not become a victim of the maniac. On the contrary ... the friendly familiarity which did not develop into something more.
 
Well, now I'm single and still looking for love. I'm interested to hear from you, dear friends, do you have ever spend your time on similar sites. Tell me about your interesting dates. Perhaps they were funny or turned into something more. I'll wait for your stories.
 
my kisses,
NIKIA

Comments

  • 0

Plain women know more about men than beautiful ones do. But beautiful women don’t need to know about men. It’s the men who have to know about beautiful women.
– Katharine Hepburn

As a beautiful woman yourself Nikia, I can't resist asking if you agree with Katherine Hepburn? :)

More on Katharine Hepburn here:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Katharine_Hepburn

P.S. It is always a pleasure to read your blog!



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Mostly beautiful women do skillfully manage men, it means that we know how to do it, no less.

And if Katharine Hepburn was right, it means that I'm not a beautiful woman ;)

PS
Thank you

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Hello Nikia. The new year is here now. I hope your holidays have been wonderful. I was reading your original post here and thinking to myself that perhaps you are no longer single and so this topic is not of as much relevance to you. I also have thoughts that I ruined this blog with my stories and now you don't want to post on a blog because of responses like mine. I must say that I was looking forward to more dialogue with you and more between your other fans and yourself also. It's great to get your feedback and insights on things. If you have entered into a relationship with someone new, though, I can understand why you would not have the time or desire to be on here responding to us. I wish you a great 2016 and beyond, Nikia. You are highly admirable and I thank you for all you have shared with us.

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Happy New Year to you and to all of members here!
I wish you to fill your houses with love and happiness for all the Year.

As for my relationships: now I am building my career and working very hard, so I can not plan a lot of time for searching, I'm happy, though not yet in a relationship with someone I love. This year I probably meet my love, why not?

:-)

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Hi Nikia,

I'm glad to hear that you're enjoying this kind of blind date. From my own experience, it's not likely to be life-changing, but it can be quite pleasant, and it's not out of the question that you'll meet somebody you'll connect with.

Some time ago I knew a woman in a martial arts class who was starting a business as a matchmaker, so I filled out a questionnaire and she set me up with three potential matches. One dropped out after a phone call. The other two were interesting.

The first woman worked as a psychologist in a psych ward. She started off by showing me pictures of her cat, so at least I'd get that much out of the evening, she said. I didn't see it going anywhere, but we got along pretty well, and shared some of the same academic background. She started a game where she mentioned Hollywood movies having to do with characters with mental disorders and we were supposed to diagnose them. I guess this is the kind of thing psychiatrists talk about at parties. Not in my usual line of interests, but the evening was friendly and fun.

The second woman was divorced and had a small child. There was an instant connection, though I don't know how it would have worked out long term; I'm not very domestic, though I have a friend who isn't, either, and he's been married for fifty years. In any case, I was thinking of taking an assignment in a different country, and after a few dates we left it at that. We didn't know each other well enough at that point for me to change my plans, and she was a single mother. I can't say that I knew her long enough that this is a major regret, and who knows if anything would have happened if the timing had been different, anyway. Still, it's interesting to think of paths not taken.

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Very interesting story, thank you for sharing.

Happy New Year!!!


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My apologies if I've been too exuberant in telling my stories, Nikia. What is of most interest is what YOU have to share and I hope we can discuss more about what can possibly transpire from online dating and other social media sites. I don't understand why men approach women online with a lot of sexual talk. Do they really think that is going to go anywhere? Anonymity does not provide a good excuse. There are appropriate times and places for such discussion, but certainly not when you are just meeting someone.I have to chuckle when I think of what you might say to a guy who requests a nude picture of you. Why do guys do that? Like they think the woman is really going to send one. I wonder what you think, Nikia. Hope to hear from you. ~ Bruce

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C'mon guys. There has to be more stories out there. I have another. After my marriage dissolved in 2006, I joined MySpace. I became acquainted with dozens of people from all over the world. One in particular became a very special relationship. Believe it or not, it happened with a former Playboy Playmate. She did a lot of blogging and I became one of her frequent respondents (go figure). This is also a very complex story, with many twists and turns that I won't go into here. The main thing that happened is that I became a very inspirational friend of hers, especially through a very rough patch in her life around 2008. When this all started, I could only dream of developing a genuine relationship with her and, because of how I approached her, over time she found me to be more and more important to her emotional well-being. I was honored when she finally shared her phone number with me and she actually called me several times just to talk and feel better. We mostly discussed matters about our children (we each had two daughters) who were going through their mid to late teens. To this day can still call each other, but we keep in less touch now than we used to. There's a lot more to the story, but it's too complex to write clearly about it here. I just find it fascinating that I became friends with a semi-famous celebrity (and also her friend, who was once in the television show Twin Peaks). I'm just a guy from the Midwest. Things like this aren't supposed to happen, but my approach made it happen.

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BTW, was there any favorite actress for you who was featured in "Twin Peaks" series? Sherilyn Fenn maybe?

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Well, I wasn't much of a Twin Peaks watcher. I think I was drifting away from television programs at the time. Looking at the cast list for that show on IMDB, I see that Heather Graham had a role. She would be my favorite, even if she's not the world's greatest actress. I love her best in Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me. That's been a favorite movie of my oldest grandson - he's started watching it when he was a 1 year old - and we've acted out that movie many, many times. I get to be Dr. Evil and my grandson is Austin Powers. Very fun times.

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I've received a couple of thumbs ups. Thank you for your support. I'd like to encourage more sharing of stories, though. I think this is an interesting topic. Nikia, I hope my answer wasn't too much to give you to react to. International online dating brings certain challenges that local online dating does not. I've encountered several fraudulent attempts, and interestingly, one of them was from a Russian girl living in California. She used a model's photographs to set up a dating profile on a very reputable international dating site. After a few weeks, I wanted to fly to California to meet her - you have to make sure everything is legitimate by meeting face-to-face - and she would come up with reasons why she couldn't. This made me wary and I started to snoop. I discovered some other photos of her real self on a site where she advertised services to tutor American students learning the Russian language. I confronted her with this and, to her surprise, I continued our friendship and actually did what I could to help her get a green card. My looks reminded her of Bruce Willis and I was helping her out like an angel,so I developed an identity as "Bruce Angel". I've since let "Bruce" loose as I've determined to live the difference between being kindhearted and being someone's fool. I like helping people, but it becomes demeaning when I allow my generosity to be taken advantage of. The girl I helped...never did get her green card.

So, yes, international online dating can be an adventure, often with unpleasant outcomes. Nikia, do you think this is true also of local online dating? My own experience has been mostly disappointing. It seems that no matter how much chemistry you seem to have with someone online, you can't really know what is there unless you meet. What hurts is when you do develop a chemistry online and then you meet that other person and find that person to be very different than who you thought you knew online. I fell in love with a woman who lived about 60 miles away. We communicated for six months over a dating service and via phone calls. When I finally met her - she was a tree! Within 10 seconds of meeting face-to-face I think we both knew the attraction was not there. We talked for three hours and then shook hands and parted. I must say I wandered around in shock for a bit after that too. How could the face-to-face experience be so different? Have you experienced the same?

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Dating, chat conversations ... all this gives people an illusion. Women get the illusion of demand, and the men the illusion of infinite choice. I understand that it is difficult to realize the illusion, dreams and fantasies. This is a dream ... and almost impossible to make a dream come true.
In your case it is particularly difficult, you are so far from each other. None of the two of you did not know the true nature of the other, compatibility, which are so important for the future together. The only way to build deeper relationships - need to live close to each other. For a woman it's very important that her man is near. Feel the love and not to be alone. Love and caring as real and not virtually. I have no doubt that she is a remarkable woman! I see you are a wonderful and caring man. Dear Bruce, your helping to someone in family is fine. Family is the most important, but do not forget about yourself.
I'm sorry that your communication so unpleasant end. . I would advise you not to go to her page on Facebook. Once you allow yourself to leave the problems and suffering in the past, all must be adjusted better soon. Memories are preventing you go any further, just let it go. Why think about a person who did not appreciate you as you are? Live in the present, love yourself first and foremost, to the people. Just do not close your big heart, let it always be open to love. Do not forget that every energy in this world is coming back! If you are set on a positive, welcome every day with a smile and take his life as a great gift, then you simply will not want to spend life in frustration, life will greet you with a smile. I believe in it!

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Nikia, I agree with everything you say. Each moment is a gift and how a person accepts it and what one does with it determines much about one's life. My focus is family, but perhaps I don't do enough for myself. These experiences I've told you about are well in the past now. That why I can visit the Facebook page and be happy to see some of what is going on in the Romanian girl's life. I have fond memories of what happened, not bitter, although I have to admit, it was not in good character for me to mention a link to the music video. There seems to be some spite in doing that, but I was also trying to bring some reality to my story.

Your reply is perfect. You show again that you understand life very well. I'd love to meet someone here where I live, but it seems impossible to find the right person online. After six or seven years of being on online dating sites, I've given up. You'd think it would have happened sometime during those years. It may be harder when you are my age. The options are fewer and everyone who is single at my age has been rejected for one reason or another by someone who was very, very close to them and with them for several or many years (their ex-spouses) and they carry those reasons in who they are. I've seen it with my ex-wife. She's dated several men and they always end up having the same problem with her that I did. Some people do grow and change enough to overcome these issues, but often the divorcee that you meet still has the same issues that were part of why prior relationships failed. In short, most of the people at my age who can sustain relationships are in relationships that are being sustained.

I'm happy, though. Happier being single than trying to carry on a relationship that isn't working. My ex and I made our marriage work as best we could and we raised two daughters in a mostly happy existence. But we were miserable in the end, because we were so incompatible. It was best that we parted.

So, Nikia, what are you finding in Russia among your age group that is making it difficult for you to find the love you seek?

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Hi Bruce!

Sure, I see that you have experience, but I just starting to learn myself.

Among my age group sometimes we had lost communication, we hardly can start to talk face to face, it's easier to be under a mask in Internet, and it happens not only in small village, but in cities as well. Also we think that we need more choices - we see millions online and we think we can find our best friend just by choosing from profiles and avatars. Sometimes we didn't see our love is near, it was many times described in classic and modern movies.

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I agree with you. Wherever you go, most women of my age (18-25 years lets say) are just on their phones. Looking at facebook, listening music, watching videos alone. They dont want to be disturbed by some random guy, who wants to talk with you, they think its weird. Only at my university I know some women but most of them already have a boyfriend but then Im asking myself where can i find one? How can I start a serious relationship? Many of my friends starting one via facebook or drunk partys. Im not like that. Altough Ive done that a few times in the past but it didnt really work out. And I dont know, I feel Im too young for online dating, I feel like there has to be another way to find that woman to love. But I just dont know how or where to start searching. But who know in the past Ill find her. :)

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Hello Nikia! Thank you for your reply. A few years ago, when I was engaging in many online chats with those whom I’ve written about, I would find myself in my face-to-face interactions wishing that I could be on chat instead! Really! It was because somehow my ability to respond in creative and witty ways was better when chatting. I think it was because I could spend just a little more time finding the right words in making a response. There was something about the rhythm of chatting that worked much better for me than face-to-face talking. I’ve always been a better writer than speaker (not that I can’t be a good speaker, but I’m just better at writing). I think I’d lose my confidence when I couldn’t hesitate or write out and edit what I want to say before “sending” my words on. I can see where a generation of young people are so used to writing out their words to others that to actually speak them can seem clumsier. Being face-to-face is so different than speaking through texts and even over phones, even video chatting is not quite the same. So, I think I understand the challenges that you are referring to about talking face-to-face.

Also, for you, with your fame in the nude modeling arena, I wonder if you have a hard time transitioning from being secure behind an avatar or image, to being vulnerable in front of someone. “What is he going to think of me if he knows all about me?” I don’t know that you have this come up in your mind or not, but it would be understandable if it does. Then you have to wonder if he wants you because you excite him erotically or if he truly wants you more deeply for who you are as a person. Being beautiful presents its own set of problems when it comes to relationships, wouldn’t you say? I think beautiful women have an extra barrier of illusion to have to break through than women who are less beautiful. Finding a man who loves you for who you are is harder, because men can get so wrapped up solely in your beauty.

Surely many beautiful women take advantage of their beauty to gain the security and financial advantages that they seek by being selective in their mates. Often, though, these are superficial relationships much more based in security for the woman than any true love. I saw this very clearly with the Playboy playmate who I befriended and her comrades. It seems that most of them had the goal to find a wealthy man who can secure their futures, whether or not they stayed married to him. Security had more value to them than love.

You seem to be very, very different than that, Nikia. I think you know what love is and its importance to everyone’s happiness. You’ve expressed a desire to have children and I know from experience how much love is involved with that endeavor. I see you as someone who seeks very authentic relationships and I think you will succeed in doing so. Do be mindful of those around you, because, as you have stated, we will sometimes seek far and wide for the right person and not even realize that this person is already nearby. We just didn’t see it because this person didn’t meet our ideal in some way. When it comes to love, it is important not to approach it in a fantasy. When you do connect in a real way…then your reality can attain a glory at times that even a fantasy cannot match.

So, Nikia, are you finding it difficult to come out from behind your avatar? Or do you find this to be more of a problem for the man you are trying to meet? I hope you don’t mind my asking, but has your fame created some kind of obstacle? Or has it perhaps opened doors to options that you may not find ideal to what you seek?

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Hello Nikia. It is nice to write to you again. I do have a story to share, but it is a very, very long story. It has great highs and terrible lows. Via an online dating site I chanced to meet an absolutely wonderful young woman from Romania. Ah yes, I've met women locally via dating sites and social networking. I found every one of them to be a matter of chasing an illusion. When we meet, the reality is so far from what it seemed online. The feelings fizzle out before anything can even begin. This was not the same with the woman from Romania, but she was in college and I was here in America working and taking care of my loved ones. This gave us little chance to be together, so what happened is that I was essentially an option for her. I was someone whom she seriously considered making a commitment to. We had a wonderful year interacting online - mostly via chats. She bought out the best in me. We had so much fun in our daily communications with each other, mostly via chatting, but it was more than just fun. It was an entire relationship experience, only it was an online one. She told me several times that I made her feel loved like nobody else could. We both raved many times about how lucky we were to have met each other and we believed very much in serendipity. It wasn't easy to have this relationship, though. When you are so far away and you know that scamming is a huge online enterprise, it made it difficult for me to always trust that this was a sincere relationship. She kept a secret from me about her night life dancing in a musical act with a rising star who, during that year, released a very popular song (Google "Roxy Rocks" and you may find her - "Mr. Right" was the song and my girlfriend is in both the studio video and the live performance at the Callatis 2009 music festival, although she told me she was helping her father on the farm at the time - remember, she was keeping her dancing a secret). She kept this secret because she worried that I would think she might be a "loose woman", because dancers can have that reputation. It left holes in some of the things she would tell me, though, so it ended up causing me to wonder at times what was really going on over there. For her, I shared with her the activities I was involved with in performance arts and meeting people - sometimes who were female - and towards the end of our relationship she shared that this made her feel a little uneasy. So, there was just enough of a weakness in our bond to keep it from being held together long enough to finally join each other for life, which we were certainly having thoughts about. In her last semester of college, she met a wonderful young man who was her own age (she was 28 years younger than me, a barrier she said was not a problem for her or her family, because what mattered was how loved and happy she felt, not the age of the man). The power of their attraction for each other was so much that she slept with him - even though he had not yet broken up with - guess who? - her best friend. Sadly, it was this friend of hers who told me about the "affair". I was in shock...for many many months. I was thoroughly devastated and it took a couple of years to get past it. Now, I see her and this same young man with each other on Facebook - still together and very happy after five years. I'm so happy for both of them! I enjoy seeing her life develop as I see her on Facebook. I enjoy seeing her whole family go through changes, as well as her boyfriend's family. They are actually very good people. But, alas, I am still single and I can't seem to find that right woman for me. I don't search very hard for her anymore. I'm not on any dating sites anymore nor am I on any social networks. I care for my two young grandsons, as my daughter is a single mother. Children have always been my priority. It was this way with my daughters and now it is this way with my grandsons. I'm happy to have met you here, Nikia, and I look forward to learning more about you. Admirably yours, Bruce